Buffy's Journal

Double Standards and Training the Newbie

Sat, 19 Jun 2004 04:58:49 GMT

Anne wandered into the weapons room, bored and looking for something to do. She made a beeline for the crossbows, not paying attention to who else might be in the room.

Bianca gaught a glimpse of Anne out of the corner of her eye. "Hey, Buffy," she said softly, pulling her crossbow out of her bag.

Anne turned slightly. "It's Anne, actually. Nice to meet you, whoever you are."

Bianca froze, trying not to show it. "Bianca," she replied, loading a bolt into the bow.

"Bianca, then," Anne responded, focusing on her own weapon and not noticing the other girl's response. "Nice to meet you, either way."

Bianca raised her crossbow cautiously. "Sorry for the mix up... vampire," she sneered.

Anne froze, and then her head slowly rose to fix Bianca with a steely gaze. "Do you have some kind of problem with me that I should know about, Bianca? Seeing as how we just met and have traded less than twenty words, I don't see how I can possibly have already offended you."

Bianca's crossbow was pointed straight at Anne's heart. "I've heard about you. you're supposed to be some kind of good guy vamp," she said, locking eyes with Anne. "All I've gotta say about that is somebody around here's very delusional."

"Would you mind putting your weapon down? I haven't threatened you." Anne's eyes moved rapidly and her mind worked fast, sizing up the girl and the situation. "If you'd like to know about me, you could ask."

"I forget, we're supposed to know the dead things before we dust them," Bianca smirked. "What I want to know is why what everyone's so amped about killing is living here."

"Because I'm a Slayer, too," Anne said softly. "And it gives me a little edge over the rest of the vampires. Like a soul, and a conscience. Put down your weapon, Slayer, or I'll take it away from you."

Bianca shook her head, not lowering her weapon. "Nice try," she said, her voice cold as ice.

Anne feinted to the left and then spun to the right, moving with the speed granted her by her dual nature as well as the desperation of seeing her death in this strange Slayer's eyes. She kicked out at Bianca's crossbow and the weapon went skittering across the room, and then Anne attacked Bianca bodily, taking the girl to the mat and pinning her, Anne's knee in the middle of Bianca's stomach, her hand on Bianca's throat, cutting off her air. "I warned you to drop your weapon. Never, ever draw wood on me. If you don't believe what I am, go and ask Buffy or Faith or Giles or any of the others. Everyone here knows who and what I am, and they can tell you that. They can also tell you why. I have a soul, Bianca, and a conscience. I don't kill humans. But that doesn't mean I won't defend myself."

Bianca gasped for air, glaring up at Anne. "Dual... standard," she wheezed.

"Maybe so," Anne agreed, letting up on Bianca's throat just a little, "but one with a reason behind it. I'm on your side, Bianca. I fight them, too. I kill them, too. I was a Slayer before I was turned, and I'm still a Slayer now. It's how it happens to us. I didn't ask for it."

"Neither did I," Bianca hissed, trying to keep her cool.

"So, what? I should kill you for being something you didn't ask to be? I don't think so. Flip side. You don't get to kill me for being something I don't like being, either."

Bianca nodded to the best of her ability. "Got yourself a deal," she paused, "Anne."

But after I kicked her ass...

Anne searched the girl's eyes for a moment, seeking duplicity, and found none. She eased back, then stood and offered Bianca a hand up. "Would you like to hear how it works now?"

Bianca took her hand and got up slowly, rubbing her neck a little bit. "No bullshit, no sugar coating?"

"No bullshit," Anne promised.

Bianca sat down on the bench. "I'm all ears."

Anne sat down beside her, straddling the bench so that she could face Bianca. "Okay. I'll tell you how it happened, and then I'll tell you what happened. The Cliffs Notes version is, there was this master vampire in my town and there was a prophecy in the Slayer Codex that when the Slayer faced the Master, she would die. Well, I didn't have a choice. It was me or the world. So I went. Now, Buffy here, when she went, she got drowned, and Xander brought her back with CPR. But me, in my world, he turned me into a vampire. It kinda pissed me off, so I killed him."

Bianca nodded. "So, you ARE Buffy, then," she said, trying to process it.

Anne nodded. "I'm getting to that part," she said. "I did a lot of traveling, and my Giles did a lot of research. I'm not the first Slayer to get turned into a vampire, but it's really freakin' rare. The reason for that is because, see, when the first Slayer got made, thousands of years ago, these guys that made her used some kind of demon to make the super strength and stuff. So we already have a demon inside of us, or at least some aspects of one, to give us our strength and enhanced senses and stuff. And it's pretty territorial, and it hates vampires. So when the vampire demon comes along trying to take over, the Slayer demon says 'I don't think so' and beats it down. It doesn't go away completely, but it like... goes underground, I guess, if that makes sense."

"None of it makes sense," Bianca admitted. "But I get what you're saying."

Anne nodded. "I can go into the technical details later, if you want. Giles has got books on it in the library. But anyway... basically... it's like this. When a normal person gets turned, their soul goes away and all that's left is the vampire. But for a Slayer to get turned, their soul is bound up with the Slayerness, and that stays, and so the soul stays. With the soul comes the conscience. Also, apparently, immunity to holy water and sunlight."

"But you were scared of the bolt. Wood still works?"

Anne nodded. "Wood still works. So does decapitation, I would assume. But then, that works on damn near anything."

Bianca couldn't hide her grin. "I would think so. Seems pretty final."

Anne grinned back. "Yeah. Hard to put that back on. 'I said a LITTLE off the top!' You know?" She snickered.

Bianca laughed, for the first time, really feeling at ease, even in the company of the other Slayer.

Anne felt her shoulders finally relax, and she drew one leg up to hug against her body. "So... that's pretty much it. I am, as far as I know, the only Slayer vampire currently in existence. There are two other ensouled vampires that I know of. They both live in Los Angeles. Angel and Spike." She spoke the names with an expression of faint distaste.

"You the only one with a normal name?" Bianca snickered.

Anne snorted. "All three of us wear assumed names, sweetheart. In life, I was Buffy. Spike was William and Angel was Liam. It's like... you're not the same person that you were back then. You look the same, and you sound the same, and people think you're the same, but you don't feel the same in your skin. And your old name, that person that you were... that person's dead. So you find a new name that suits you better." She shrugged. "I just happen to be, of the three of us, the one least inclined to dish out a bunch of bullshit."

Bianca smirked. "You change. The name's the easiest way to reinvent who you are." She looked at Anne and smiled. "No bullshit. I like you."

Anne nodded. "No bullshit. You're not bad yourself. Buit if you draw wood on me again, I'll hurt you badly." There was no smile on her face as she said this.

Bianca nodded in understanding. "Don't try to bite me, and we're even," she said seriously.

"I have no intention of biting you," Anne replied, standing. "You'd probably taste all sour anyway." Then she grinned to show that she was teasing.

"Hey, if it's what you need to think," Bianca grinned back. She stood, crossing the room to pick up her crossbow. She disarmed it and put it back down. "I should really try to find Jo. Buffy's on a power trip, and Jo seems to be ready to kill me for not goin' on patrol."

And it's time for an intervention...

Anne raised an eyebrow. "Buffy? Power trip?" She stared at Bianca. "The Buffy that looks like an older version of me but with a heartbeat?"

Bianca nodded. "That's the one. Why?"

"Power trip?" Anne asked again.

Bianca sighed. "I'm on probation," she said bitterly. "Not literally, but I got in a fight and now it's like every Senior Slayer, plus Jo, is in on my training." She looked at Anne, tying her hair back. "Oh, yeah, she's on a power trip."

Anne cocked her head. "You got in a fight with who, and where, and why?"

"Jamie, in the locker room, and she wouldn't leave me alone. We clash," she added quickly.

"It happens," Anne conceded. "So who all is involved in your training now?"

Bianca raised her eyebrow, thrown a litle by Anne's curiosity. "Faith's training me, Buffy's my Watcher, um, McKenna's training Jamie with Faith training me, and I have to patrol with Jo."

Anne nodded, studying Bianca's face as she talked. "And you don't like it at all, do you?" she asked.

"Shit no," Bianca admitted. "I feel like everything I do ain't right. Nobody's perfect, and I'm sorry, but I don't particulary want or need to fit in here."

Anne nodded. "Sounds like you got too many people breathing down your neck. I don't think Buffy's on a power trip; I think she just hasn't realized how many people are on you. She'd take you herself, but she's got the bun. Tell you what, how about if I talk to her?"

Bianca nodded. "If you think it'd help, I'm all for it."

Anne nodded. "I'll talk to her. She usually listens to me."

"Thanks," Bianca said softly.

"No problem," Anne replied. "But if I do this for you, you gotta do something for me."
Bianca raised her eyebrow. "Like what?"

"Make an effort. I'm not asking you to get buddy-buddy with anybody... god knows there's times when I'd like to rip people's throats out around here... but at least to keep things civil? You don't live here, but the rest of us do, and when shit's in a stir, nobody gets any fuckin sleep."

Bianca grinned. "Keep me away from Jamie, we got a deal. She rubs me the wrong way."

"Then make an effort to avoid her. And if you can't, then grit your teeth and smile, and think about how nice it would be to watch her get gnawed on by about twelve starving wild piglets. But don't start fights, and if somebody starts with you, walk away."

Bianca laughed at the image. "Now that, I can handle."

Anne grinned. "I'll talk to Buffy."

"I wont kill anyone," Bianca grinned back.

"Cool." Anne grinned. "Want a lesson?"

"Love one. Faith's got me doin' all this sharpshooting crap." She nodded to the crossbow. "Hence the baby."

"How many bullseyes can you hit in a row?" Anne queried.

"Yesterday it was 73," Bianca sighed. "She's pushin' me to hit 100."

"You keep workin' on that," Anne replied, taking the crossbow and replacing it on the rack. "For now, there's a stake on the top shelf of that cabinet. Go grab it."

Bianca nodded, climbing up to grab the stake. "What do you have in mind?"

Anne stretched out her back. "What's it made of, Bianca?"

"Metal," Bianca said curiously.

Anne nodded, stretching her legs. "Right. If you stake a vampire with a metal stake, what's it gonna do to the vampire?"

"Jack shit?" Bianca raised her eyebrow. "You're serious? You're going to kick my ass!"

Anne grinned. "So fight back."

Bianca looked worried, but started to stretch out. "Go easy, will ya? It's been awhile."

Anne nodded. "Sure. The first time."

So I knocked her around in the weapons room for awhile. She's not real good... she knows a few moves but she doesn't really know how to apply 'em. I roughed her up enough that I gave her the night off from patrolling and took the news to Jo myself. She needs training and she needs it bad, if I can convince her to stop fighting it every step of the way.

//Email to Buffy//

Hey Buffy,

I need to talk to you about this new girl, Bianca. Tomorrow morning?

Thanks.

--Anne.

Watcher-Slayer Bonding

Thu, 17 Jun 2004 03:23:41 GMT

Anne wandered into the kitchen hoping her blood supply was untouched and started slightly at the sight of Giles at the stove. "Well hey there, Big Poppa," she said with a slight grin. "Heard the big news. Congrats."

Giles grinned and nodded, stirring a pot of hearty stew. "Thank you, very much. Glad to see you're back. I'm sorry if things were rough for you. Anything I can do?"

Anne moved to the refrigerator and retrieved a pack of blood, which she tossed into the microwave. "I had to kill Sasha," she stated flatly without preamble. "She got herself turned."

Giles sighed and looked down at his stew. "I'm sorry, Anne. Not all of them will make it or stay on the right side of things. Doesn't help when you have to handle it though. Are you alright?"

Anne shook her head. "No. I'm not. But I will be eventually." She shrugged, pulled the blood out and tore the packet open with her teeth.

"How can I help?" Giles offered. "I think Devka is planning on spending some time in the Rec room tonight, perhaps some down time is needed?"

Anne shook her head. "No. I just... need to be alone." She finished off the bag of blood in record time and tossed the plastic into the trash. "I just wanted to let you know. So what's the word on the baby? Boy or girl?"

Giles chuckled. "Gender is set just yet. Too soon. Personally, both of them healthy and I'll be happy. Ready to be an aunt?"

Anne shook her head. "I don't think so. But whatever." She grinned. "Good for you, though. I'm glad you'll be happy."

"Anne, what else is bothering you?" Giles asked softly.

"I..." she paused for a long time, then looked up at him with sad eyes. "It's complicated."

"And you know I care and I'm a great listener," he offered with a smile. "It's not just Sasha, is it?"

"No, it's not." She shook her head. "It's Xander. And Faith. And everything." She sighed. "I think I've fucked up, Giles."

Giles raised his eyebrows. "How so? Xander and Faith? What's happened, Anne?"

She sighed. "Slayer to Watcher?"

"Absolutely," Giles said firmly. "No further and damned little judgment, that help?"

Anne nodded, moving to sit at the kitchen table and looking down at her hands. "You know Xander and I were... are... were... together. Right?" She waited for his acknowledgement, then continued, "When I got back last night, Faith saw the bike downstairs and came up to see me. We went out for a drink and it turned into a lot of drinks, and then there were vampires on the way back, and then... well, I did something stupid. And I don't know if I was gonna get back with Xander or not, but if I was, I think I've ruined it now."

Giles sighed and sat down across from her. "You and Xander weren't doing well before you left? And now something happened with Faith? That's a lot to work through, I'll agree. You need to talk to Xander, Faith and McKenna and it won't be easy. Drunken encounter aside, how do you feel about Faith?"

"Nothing more than friends." She blinked. "What's McKenna got to do with it?"

"I'm not quite sure but I believe McKenna and Faith were getting close," Giles said softly. "I don't know if they have or not but it was there. I suspect a bit of guilt is going to be running rampant here shortly. What about Xander? You want the relationship to continue?"

Anne put her face in her hands and rubbed at her temples with her fingers. "Oh, great." She sighed. "I... I don't know, Giles. I don't know what I want. I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of being alone."

"I understand that," Giles smiled gently. "But don't settle if your heart isn't there, Anne. It's better to be alone than with someone for the wrong reasons. Take some time to sort yourself out. Don't try and be something for someone else just yet."

She nodded, then gave him a weak smile. "Thanks, Giles."

Giles shrugged. "Take some time to find yourself. You're not defined by who you're with, Anne. That's one that usually takes a lifetime to learn. If you love him, grab him and don't let go. If you're not sure, take it easy for a bit."

She smiled slightly, reaching out to touch his cheek. "I'm always gonna be settling, Giles. But I appreciate the rest of the advice. I needed to hear it. Thanks."

Giles leaned into the touch. "I'm a friend, Anne. I can't be your Giles but I can be a friend and I'll work damned hard at being a good one. It is possible to love again, just give it some time."

She nodded. "I know." She smiled, then stood and pressed a chaste kiss to his forehead. "Thanks. Tell Buffy I said congratulations." Then she turned and swiftly left the kitchen.

Giles shook his head and went back to his stew, wishing he could be what everyone needed and wondered how bad the situation was going to be with Faith and McKenna.

//firewalled to everyone//

Wed, 16 Jun 2004 04:06:22 GMT

I'm home again.

I found Sasha. She'd gone to Vicky, just like she said in her message, and just like I was afraid of, they were flirting with vampires. Only this time they hadn't found a Drusilla to play with... they'd found a Darla. Well, not literally, because I'm given to understand that Darla's actually dead in this reality, but a female who definitely reminded me strongly of Darla. And she'd just about gotten finished with playing.

Vicky made it out alive... bleeding, but alive. Sasha didn't. She got turned. I sat with her all night and waited to see if she'd come through it as well as Kennedy and I did. But she didn't. She lost her mind, and I had to stake her. There was no choice. I told her nothing good would come of her playing with vampires. She never listened.

I'm going to have Giles put her name on the memorial in the garden.

It took me another day or so before I was able to come back from that. Having to put down someone on your own team like that... it hurts. It hurts a lot. Rhiannon would know. She had to do Kennedy when Ken went bad.

God, I could stand to get totally tore up right now.

//end firewall//

Email to Buffy and Giles:

I'm back. It's not good. I'll get with you in the morning.

--Anne.

----

Who's knocking on the door? God, I hope it's not Xander this late. I'm not ready to deal with him yet.

On the road again...

Thu, 10 Jun 2004 15:42:44 GMT

Had a conversation with Faith a couple nights ago that got me thinking. She's bad about that.

Anne sat on the fire escape in the waning summer light, staring across the street at the cemetery with a dark, broody expression on her face. Faith went out to the fire escape to smoke. She grinned when she saw Anne. "Hey, gorgeous, dark and broody."

Anne looked up to the landing above her and spied Faith, then gave a slight, halfhearted wave. "Hey, Faith. 'Sup?"

"Same shit, different day. You? Haven't see you around..." Faith jumped down to Anne's level and lit her cigarette.

Anne shrugged, leaning back against the warm bricks. "I've been kinda makin' myself scarce. Seems like all I ever do is fight with Xander when I see him, so it's easier just to not see him. And since he seems to kind of be everywhere..." she made a futile sort of gesture.

"Last time I talked to Xander, I damn near took his head off," Faith grumbled. "Sorry you two are in the shits, Anne."

Anne shrugged. "Bound to happen, really, I think. I'm not cut out for it."

Faith smirked. "What's that? Xander? C'mon, you're talkin' to the girl who took his first seven minutes."

Anne shook her head. "Relationships in general, I mean. Or at least the kind that are all lovey-smoochy."

"Yeah, I'm feelin' you there," Faith sighed, letting out a deep drag. "But then, fuck 'em and leave 'em ain't workin' out so well either."

"It's an ill wind that blows nobody any good," Anne quoted gloomily.

"As long as you're not cuttin' yourself," Faith said softly.

Anne stretched her arms out in front of herself, baring them both to the orange light. They were whole, and the scars on them were all old.

Faith smiled approvingly, tracing her finger over the scars. "I'm proud of you." She paused for a second, then shook her head. "Okay, that was pretty lame, but if it helps? I meant it."

Anne smiled slightly. "Thanks, Faith. It's actually been kind of a pain in the ass. Last week, when we had the first fight, I went down to my room and played with a knife for a couple hours, thinking about it. You know? But I didn't do it."

"Okay, so here's where I need you to do me a favor."

Anne looked up. "What's that?"

Faith softened her expression, stubbing out her cigarette. "You ever start gettin' that feeling, come find me?"

Anne thought about it for a moment, then nodded. "Okay."

Faith grinned. "At least I can try and talk you out of it. Sometimes just havin' someone around helps. And that's comin' from a lone Slayer."

"It's true, though," Anne said softly. She looked out at the cemetery for a long moment, then back up at Faith. "We're a lot alike, you and me."

Faith raised her eyebrow. "You think so? I mean, you'd never hear somethin' like that outta B's mouth."

"In case you haven't noticed, Faith, B and I aren't the same person."

Faith snickered. "Believe me, I noticed. You got a lot of shit in your past." She looked away, her eyes clouding a bit. "It changes you."

Anne simply nodded, looking back toward the cemetery again.

"What are you thinkin' about?" Faith glanced sidelong at Anne. "You have that wanna run look to you."

Anne sighed. "I've been here too long. I... I need to get away for awhile. Clear my head."

Faith crossed her arm over her knee, leaning on her elbow. "You comin' back?"

"Dunno." Anne shrugged. "Maybe."

“I know we haven't really talked much, but I'd miss you. In that way of havin' another dark Slayer around helps."

Anne pondered this for a moment, then looked up at Faith. "Really?"

Faith nodded slowly. "I mean it, Anne. I mean, 'Kenna's close, but... it's along story, and it's not the same as what you've been through."

Anne nodded. "I... I'll... probably come back," she said hesitantly.

Faith smiled, putting a hand on Anne's shoulder. "Don't make me hunt you," she said softly.

Anne's face was pure surprise. "You'd... you'd do that?"

Faith nodded, grinning. "I'd have to make sure you were okay. This world's fulla Slayers that wouldn't understand you're a good vamp. I've been there. I'd hate for you to get killed by some lucky kid."

Anne was still for a moment, and then she gave Faith the smallest of smiles. "Thanks."

Faith shook her head. "No sweat."

So just when I'd almost decided not to go, fuckin Sasha cuts and runs after that crazy Victoria chick. I'd wondered what happened to her after Deanna bit it, and now I know. So off I go, haring into the wild whatever, to find this crazy bitch and make sure she knows what she's doing.

Jesus Christ on a crutch, man, I do not need this.

//firewalled against everyone//

Thu, 27 May 2004 00:27:01 GMT

We're fighting. It started out as a minor disagreement over his back injury and escalated into a full-blown screaming match over our relationship, my feelings about him and his about me, and whether or not either of us should stay in this fight against evil. It ended with me slamming his door and walking out.

Now I'm hiding out in my room, and I'm furious with him and I'm mad at myself, and I regret everything I said... but at the same time, I meant and mean every word of it.

He's got one eye and now he's got a bad back... and I'm a vampire version of the girl he had a crush on at sixteen. God knows I could love him if I tried, but... I don't know if I'm willing to try. He's mortal. He won't keep his soul if he's vamped. He'll eventually get old and die... and I'll still be sixteen.

I don't think this is gonna work out, Xander.

//end firewall//

happy sigh

Sat, 15 May 2004 23:47:18 GMT

When he decides to surprise me, he does it right.

A weekend "away" (only six blocks away, but still) at a GORGEOUS b&b - sleeping in, no responsibilities, no.... oh, crap - I should have told Sasha I was going. Thank goodness Xander's downstairs taking advantage of the breakfast part of bed and breakfast.

Anne: *calls McKenna's cell, listens to the ringing*
McKenna: *grabs her phone* hello?
Anne: McKenna? It's Anne. I... I need a favor.
McKenna: *pauses* What's up?
Anne: Um... Xander and I are gone for the weekend, and I was wondering if maybe you could patrol with Sasha tonight? If it's too much trouble, I understand.
McKenna: *snickers* It's not too much trouble. Tell her to come find me. We'll work out.
Anne: *gratefully* Thank you, McKenna. Really. I appreciate it.
McKenna: No problem. Have a good weekend. *hangs up*

That taken care of, I needed to let Sasha know what the plan was.

Anne: *dials Sasha's number on her cell, listens to the ringing*
Sasha: *hears her phone ringing next to her, answers* hello?
Anne: Hey, Sasha? It's Anne.
Sasha: hey, anne. is everything okay?
Anne: Yeah, everything's great, actually. it's jst that I'm gonna be gone all weekend, and I totally spazzed before I elft and forgot to tell you.
Sasha: *a little puzzled* oh, okay.
Anne: Sorry. But listen, just 'cause I'm gone, I don't want you slacking. I'd like you to train and patrol with McKenna tonight and tomorrow. I already okayed this with her.
Sasha: it's no problem. *pauses* and i hadn't planned on slacking, either.
Anne: *snickers* I know, Sasha. I was teasing.
Sasha: sorry, i'm just..*sighs* things are a little crazy right now.
Anne: *sounding concerned* What's wrong?
Sasha: *trying to keep her voice steady* rob had to go back home. to..to take care of some things.
Anne: *a long pause* You... didn't know he was gone?
Sasha: um, no. i didn't.
Anne: Oh, shit, Sasha. I'm sorry. I... I thought you knew.
Sasha: *clears her throat* i know now. but...he's going to be back. so...it's not so bad. *sounds like she's trying to convince herself*
Anne: *softly* He's coming back, Sasha. As soon as they get everything squared away back home.
Sasha: yeah. *tries to change the subject* so...what are you doing? if i'm not being nosey, that is.
Anne: We're... just... um... *mumbles* getting away for the weekend.
Sasha: *confused* "we're"?
Anne: *softly* Xander and I.
Sasha: *eyes widening a little* oh, i, um..didn't know you two were....yeah.
Anne: Yeah. Um... for awhile.
Sasha: well, hey, congratulations and everything. *at a loss for anything else to say*
Anne: *softly* Thanks. Um... I gotta get going, but... you go find McKenna, and you guys can work out what you're gonna do for the weekend, okay?
Sasha: okay. will do.
Anne: Okay. Bye.
Anne: *hangs up*
Sasha: *hangs up her own phone*

And that done, I fell right back to sleep for probably two or three more hours... until SOMEONE woke me up again... and it wasn't to engage in pleasant afternoon smoochie sessions, either.

Anne And bring me back some!
Xander *puts on his best puppy-dog look* C'mon down -- just for a little bit? You can say hello to our hosts, who made this room look so nice, do all the baking, and helped me with the flowers, and all that?
Anne: *sighs heavily* You realize this means I have to put clothes on.
Xander: *mischievous grin* As much as I'm enjoying the current view, you're just as gorgeous with clothes on. *grin turns wicked* Plus, this means I get to undress you later.
Anne: *sighs, then rolls out of bed and runs a hand through her hair* Fine. *She pulls a pair of jeans out of her duffle and slides them on without underwear, then puls a kerchief top out and drops it on over her head; a pair of slides complete the look and she grins at him* Okay, then.
Xander: *offers her his arm* My lady?
Anne: *takes his arm, grinning* Yeah, yeah.
Xander: *grins down at her* Like you don't know I'm gonna be the envy of every other guy down there.
Anne: *grins up at him, tiptoes, gives him a quick kiss* Not if we don't go down.

He did make up for it later, but... *sighs* I'm not a fan of later. I'm very much Instant Gratification Gal.

*rolls eyes at self*
Who am I kidding? Ha!

okay, OW.

Sun, 09 May 2004 00:56:13 GMT

Anne walks up behind Claire and taps her on the shoulder. “Hey.”

Claire Jumps: "Eep!" Her chair crashes over. She turns, flustered and see's Anne standing behind her. "Oh. It's you." She smiles shyly and bends to pick up her chair, blushing.

With a grin, Anne says, “You've gotta hone those vamp-sensing senses.”

Claire hangs her head and blushes even more. "Sorry. I was absorbed in this book."

“It's all good,” Anne replies, still grinning. “Care for a little more physical workout?”

Claire nods. “You bet!”

“Cool. Leave a note for Giles and bring your book.” Anne heads for the door

Claire hastily scribbles a note, and tucks the book in her bag, then runs after Anne.

Anne leads Claire out of the library and down the hall to the stairs, then up one floor and back out. She turns right and goes into the weapons room. “This is our weapons room. Training and storage.”

Claire’s jaw drops at all the weaponry "Wow, I've never seen anything like this before. I mean, I'm good with a knife when it comes to gutting fish, but wow!"

“You'll eventually get to train with all of this,” Anne informs her, “but for today we're going to start basic.” She takes on an almost-lecturing tone, moving to a cabinet and retrieving an object. “The most basic weapon of a Slayer is her stake. Stake the vampire in the heart, the vampire turns to dust. Do not leave your stake in the vampire, or it will also turn to dust and you will be minus a stake.” She turns and tosses the object to Claire.

Claire reaches out and catches the stake perfectly. She feels it's balance in her grip, then looks up at Anne and smiles. "It feels nice."

Anne nods. "What do you notice about it that strikes you as odd? Anything at all?"

She studies it closely, and then looks abashed. "It's not wood. It has to be wood."

"Exactly." Anne grins slightly. "There's a reason for that. In this training room, when you're working with me, you'll use a metal stake. I'm not looking to die just because you got in under my guard. Okay?"

Claire nods. "Okay. That makes sense." Claire grins at her teacher.

Anne nods in reply. "Good. Come at me."

Claire bends her knees and grips the stake up high, lunging at Anne

Anne dodges easily and swings around, assuming a defensive stance. "Again."

Claire frowns, takes a deep breath, and tries to focus. This time Claire starts right, does a reverse spin and comes around at Anne's left side.

Anne takes a glancing blow from the stake on her arm and returns with a punch to Claire's ribs. "Not bad, Slayer." She vamps out, grinning. "C'mon. I'm gonna eat you alive, remember? I'm a bloodsucking fiend and stuff! It's you or me!"

Claire gasps for breath due to the blow to her ribs, but recovers quickly. Her previous martial arts training kicks in, her body remembering on it's own. With her left hand she aims a blow at Anne's chin, and kicks out with a round kick aimed for Anne's ankles, attempting to knock her down so that she can stake the vampire from above.

Anne blocks the blow but takes the kick, going down and rolling to the side quickly, trying to regain her feet.

Claire anticipated Anne's roll, and kicks her again in the side, still poised above her with the stake, waiting for the right opening.

Anne grunts at the pain of the kick and swings up with both her legs, aiming a two-footed blow at Claire's chest.

At just the last second, Claire steps to her right, missing most of the kick's impact, and as Anne's legs are in a downward motion, her chest is exposed. In that brief second, Claire lunges, fire in her eyes.

Anne sees the blow coming and raises an arm to block it, knowing this is gonna hurt like hell if it hits - her face registers anticipation of pain.

Claire shoves the stake in a downward motion, but pulls back and stops at the fatal moment of impact. Their eyes meet.

Anne's face goes back to normal as she registers that Claire isn't going to follow through on her blow. She grins. "While I appreciate the fact that you didn't just stab me in the heart and ruin my shirt, don't get in the habit of pulling back."

Claire smiles and stands up, offering her hand to help Anne up. "I'll try to remember that."

Anne takes her hand and allows herself to be pulled up. "Good. Wanna go again?"

"I guess practice makes perfect?" Claire settles into her fighting stance, grinning. "I've missed sparring. I used to have the best headbutt in class you know."

Anne takes on a defensive stance and grins. "Then I'll have to make sure we do this every day. And try not to headbutt too often. You can wind up with a concussion that way."

Sat, 01 May 2004 03:37:42 GMT

Xander: *punches a code into the door into the Special Collections room, and grins* See? Giles is so scared of machines and stuff, he never changed the security code.
Anne: *bats her eyelashes at him in a patently false expression* You are, like, so smart.
Anne: *grins*
Xander: *rolls his eyes and opens the door* C'mon, let's find that book before someone comes along.
Anne: *grins, giggling a little bit* Well, I feel like a kid sneaking into the school in the middle of the night or something.
Xander: Yeah, well, you won't find books like the...uh...*consults a piece of paper* Res Nocte in any school libraries. Unless the school has a Magical Sex Ed. course.
Anne: *grins widely* Look where we went to school.
Xander: *smirks* Well...if it had been Miss Calendar teaching the course, I'd've signed up. Mrs. Birch, on the other hand... *shudders*
Anne: oh, EW. *shudders*
Xander: *shakes his head to clear it, and starts searching the bookshelves* Boy, Giles has some wild stuff in here.
Anne: *looking around* No kidding. *pulls a statue off the shelf* Hey, look at this guy.
Xander: *blinks* Is that supposed to be a human being?
Anne: Ya got me. *puts it back* So where's this book?
Xander: *shrugs* All I know is, it's supposed to have a black leather cover with gold letters stamped on it. There might also be some figures...uh..."cavorting" is the word Ahn used.
Anne: Hmm. *begins looking as well*
Xander: *frowns* Guess we can't expect a card catalog for this stuff... *mutters a few titles under his breath as he searches* Via La Quor-Toth...The Grimoire of Balaarizaaf...Prophecies of the Last Delphian Oracle...
Anne: *pulls a book off the shelf* Gone With the Wind? It's gotta be, like, enchanted or something.
Anne: *puts it back*
Xander: *glances back at her* Anything they make into a 4 hour movie has to be evil somehow.
Anne: *clasps her hands over her heart* But Rhett! What shall I do? Where shall I go?
Xander: *smirks* Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. *rolls his eyes* And frankly, I was never so happy to see a movie end in my whole life.
Anne: *pokes her tongue out at him* You were just mad it didn't have a car chase or any laser-gun shootouts.
Xander: What's the point of having a war in a movie if you never actually show the battles? Just lots of yucky, dirty aftermath. I lived on the Hellmouth until I was 22 and I've got soldier memories in me; I know how ugly a war can be. I don't need someone trying to show me all the blood in glorious Technicolor.
Anne: *rolls eyes* Find the book, soldier boy.
Xander: *blinks* Hey...I think I got it.
Anne: *looks up* Yeah?
Xander: *pulls a book of the shelf* Black leather, gold letters...*stares at the cover* and major cavorting...
Anne: *comes and looks* Wow. Much cavorting.
Xander: *grins* So...let's see if this thing lives up to its rep?
Anne: *grins back, licking her lips slightly* Let's see..
Xander: *opens the book to a random page, starts to read for a moment, then stares at the page* Whoa...
Anne: Maybe we should...
Xander: *drops the book and reaches for her*

Resuming Watcher duties.

Sat, 24 Apr 2004 21:17:10 GMT

Anne: *takes a deep breath, taps on Sasha's door*
Sasha: *opens the door* hey, anne.
Anne: Hey. *smiles nervously* Got a minute?
Sasha: yeah, sure. wanna come in?
Anne: Sure. *enters, smoothing her shirt unnecessarily*
Anne: So, um... I was wondering.
Sasha: *sits on the bed so anne can have the chair*
Anne: *sits, scratches her head nervously, then speaks in a rush* Um, I know Monica was your watcher, but it seems like she doesn't have any interest in it any more, and so I talked to Buffy and she said she and Giles were okay with it if you were, you know, and I sort of wondered if maybe you wanted to, you know, work with me.
Sasha: *pauses for a moment* i think i'd be willing to give it a try.
Anne: Really?
Anne: I mean, um... cool.
Anne: So, um... what were you and Monica working on before... everything happened?
Sasha: we hadn't really worked together that much. we did some basic training, but we never patrolled together. i actually haven't patrolled in awhile. *looks sheepish*
Anne: *nods* Then we patrol tonight. Get you back into the swing of things. Have you been practicing your stake work?
Sasha: *bites her lip, then shakes her head no*
Anne: *mock scowls at her*
Anne: What aer you doing right now? Anything important?
Sasha: nope.
Anne: Then let's go. It's time for a workout. *stands up*
Sasha: *stands also* um, okay.
Anne: *grins* You didn't think I was gonna let you slack, did you?
Sasha: *laughs* i guess not.
Anne: *grins, walks with her down to the third-floor weapons room* We've got something new.
Sasha: we do?
Anne: Yup. *goes to a weapons cabinet, pulls out a metal stake, tosses it to her* That.
Sasha: what is this for? isn't it supposed to be wood?
Anne: Aha! Very astute, young jedi. *grins* But if you stake your Watcher, then where will you be? With this, though, if you stake me, it'll hurt like hell, but I'll still be around to train you again.
Sasha: i don't have to practice staking by actually staking you, do i?
Anne: Well I'd prefer you didn't, since it'll hurt like a bitch, but that would be the ultimate goal, yes.
Anne: *grins suddenly* What can I say? I like pain.
Sasha: okay. *looks uncertainly at the stake*
Anne: *sighs* Would it help if I tried to kill you?
Sasha: *tries to joke* it didn't really help the first time.
Anne: *winces*
Sasha: *clears her throat, looks down at the floor*
Anne: *deliberately does not go into vamp face* All right... um... I'm gonna attack.
Anne: And look... keep in mind that I'm not only a Slayer but also a vampire. If I can't get out of the way of that stake, it's my own problem, okay? I want you defending.
Sasha: *nods* okay.
Anne: Okay. *nods, takes a deep breath, and attacks*
Sasha: *dodges quickly*
Anne: Good! *attacks again, aiming low for Sasha's legs*
Sasha: *can't avoid the attack fast enough*
Anne: *rolls them so that she is on top, moves in for the bite*
Sasha: *pushes anne off*
Anne: *rolls, comes up on her feet, grinning, and attacks once more*
Sasha: *aims a kick at anne's chest*
Anne: *takes the kick to the sternum, falls to the floor, grunting*
Sasha: *helps her up*
Anne: *keeps a grip on her hand, spinning her around and clasping Sasha's back to Anne's front, and nipping lightly at the side of her neck* You lose.
Anne: *releases her, looking at her oddly* You gonna help the vamp up that you're fighting on the street? More sporting, is it?
Sasha: *looks away* sorry.
Anne: *takes her chin, pulls her face back* Don't do that. You made a mistake. It happens. I just don't want you to make the same one on the street. You know?
Sasha: i won't.
Anne: *nods* Good. Shall we go again?
Sasha: okay.

She got me good the second time around - right in the shoulder. OW.

OW.

OW.

She was all funny and apologetic afterward - especially when I was bleeding - but I told her that was what I *wanted* from her and to stop apologizing. She's not too rusty, so it was a pretty good session.

Hopefully I'll be over most of the soreness for patrol tonight. For now? Nap.

Need to be needed?

Tue, 20 Apr 2004 14:24:17 GMT

I've been feeling... restless... the last few days. Okay, longer than that, really. But I didn't really know what to do, other than patrol more, which I've been doing, and actually getting better about going out by myself. I'm not so jumpy or paranoid any more. But then today something occurred to me, and I knew I needed to go talk to my semitwin. So I went down to her office.

Anne: *taps on Buffy's office door, puts her head in* Buffy?
Buffy: *looks up* Yeah, Anne. What's up? *a little uncomfortable but hiding it well*
Anne: *comes in, sits down in the chair on the other side of the desk, looking nervous* Um... I wanted to ask you something. And if you say no, I completely understand, it's just that I've been.... feeling kind of.... useless. You know? The only thing I ever do is patrol and I just... I don't feel like I contribute enough.
Buffy: O...kay. What were you wanting to do?
Anne: *fidgets* Well... I... I used to be Sasha's Watcher, and... and, um... since Kim left, she doesn't have a Watcher any more, and... um.... I w-was thinking maybe I could do that again. *hastily* But like I said, I understand if you say no. Really, I do.
Buffy: *sits back in her chair, studying Anne's face carefully*
Buffy: *taps her chin with her finger, looking speculative*
Anne: *fidgets*
Buffy: Let me talk to Giles about it, and see what he thinks.
Anne: *nods, looking somewhat relieved* Okay. Okay, cool. Um... I'll be... around.
Buffy: *nods*
Anne: *stands, leaves the office*
Buffy: *watches her go, still with the speculative expression on her face*

So now it just remains to see what Giles has to say about it. And Sasha herself, of course.

Saturday evening stroll

Sun, 11 Apr 2004 06:31:45 GMT

Got a little stir crazy tonight, so I went out slaying. Found a couple of vamps in the Quarter, nothing major. Went out a little further, into the Garden District, and found a couple more. Then I decided to head back to the warehouse. I can deal with being out by myself, but not for a long time. I get nervous... paranoid. Start looking over my shoulder. Can't deal.

Anne: *taps on his outside door*
Xander: *mumbles something in his sleep and rolls over in bed*
Anne: *moves to the side and taps on the window*
Xander: MMmm? *opens his eyes a crack, sees her, and gestures for her to come in*
Anne: *pulls on the door - it's locked*
Xander: *grumbles, rolls out of bed, and shuffles over to the door. He opens it, blinking at the lights outside.*
Anne: *pushes him in, kicking the door shut behind her, pulling him close and kissing him hungrily*
Xander: *NOW he's awake. Still preferring the bed to standing out in the living-room area, he begins pulling her back toward the bedroom as they kiss*
Anne: *grinning as she goes* And while you were sleeping, I was out keeping the world safe for democracy.
Xander: *tries to glare at her out of bleary eyes* The heck with that. Keep the world safe for sex and junk food. More people trying to get rid of those than democracy these days.
Anne: *laughs in her throat, leaning forward to nibble at his throat* I missed you. But I don't think you missed me.
Xander: *groans* Ohhh, I missed you. I missed you so much I started talking to Sweetie, since you left him here last night.
Anne: *snickers* You did, huh? In your sleep?
Xander: *grumbles* I only got to sleep...*glances at the clock*...oh, about an hour ago. I was waiting up for you, but once it got past midnight, I kinda went *plop*.
Xander: ((I do have to finish this soon, or *I'll* go plop!))
Anne: Well, like I said, I was out making the world safe for sex and junk food. *grins, ppushing him gently toward the bed while her fingers play with the hem of his tee shirt* And speaking of junk food...
Xander: *half-grins* So tell me, what am I? Popcorn, chocolate, or snack cake?
Anne: *grins, leaning up and nipping at his lower lip* snack cake. Definitely.
Xander: *nibbles back* You, on the other hand...are no mere snack cake...honey cake, definitely...
Anne: *grins, pushing him back onto the bed* Oh yeah?
Xander: *not resisting at all -- good God, why would he want to?* Uh-huh...very sweet...all over...*fumbles with her shirt buttons*

Wed, 07 Apr 2004 21:14:56 GMT

he wont talk to me.

he wont answer the door.

i went up the roof and looked in the window and he's there and he wont answer the door.

i called his cell phone and he didnt call me back.

is this what it feels like to have your heart torn out?

i think im gonna be sick.

Crazier and crazier

Sat, 03 Apr 2004 22:28:37 GMT

//firewalled against everyone//

After I put Xander down for a nap, with his aching belly, and read him a story, I went wandering, trying to get my head clear. I never knew him when he was so young, and I didn't know he was such a sweetheart.

And I didn't know he was gonna be able to tear me apart like that. Those few little words... all those things I'll never be able to give him.

*sigh*

//end firewall//

Anne: *strolls into the rec room, having just put Little Xander down for his nap*
Shayne: *walks about the hallways. then turns into the recreation room* just how i remember it. *sees a girl from behind and walks over to her* excuse me, miss?
Anne: *jumps, turns around* Oh, dear God. Who're you?
Shayne: *recognizes the girl immediately* Anne? its me, Shayne.
Anne: Shayne. Shayne. Brady? The new witch?
Shayne: *is confused* New? Oh dear, Im not new. Ive been here a while. Actually, if Ive been transported...then that would make me new, wouldnt it? And yes, dear. Shayne Brady
Anne: Christ on a crutch.
Anne: *rubs head*
Anne: Well to answer the question I'm sure you want to ask, no, we have no idea what's going on. Best we can tell, McKenna broke some hourglass thing and now everybody who was in the warehouse has… changed. Except me. But then, I'm kinda dead.
Shayne: *thinks about that* so, I havent been transported into my past? Ive simply been aged? *has a fit of confusion* But I remember my life- my older life. Who I marry. How can that be possible?
Anne: I don't know. Like I said - that's all we know.
Shayne: *looks at Anne* It's okay dear. Do you know who has been affected?
Anne: A LOT of people. *thinks* Xander, Gibb, McKenna, you, Andrew and Sasha are the ones I know about, but I'm sure there's more.
Shayne: *nods* have they all aged as I have?
Anne: Some people are older, some people are younger. *grimaces, remembering waking up next to Xander*
Shayne: *thinks for a second* and you say it was an hourglass that McKenna broke? This is all very interesting. A terrible thing to have happened, but interesting.
Anne: Yeah. Interesting. Isn't there a Chinese curse involving an itneresting life?
Shayne: *looks at Anne in a disapproving manner* There is no need to get testy, Anne. I am positive that we will find what this is and how to fix it.
Anne: *runs a hand through her hair* It's just... frustrating. You know? I got crying kids thinking they've been kidnapped, I've got older people who keep looking at me with this face that says they know something they're not telling... it's driving me nuts.
Shayne: *nods* I understand, dear. I was concerned when I had awakened also. I thought for sure that I was in my home in Leeds. And I wasnt. I thought someone had taken me. *shakes head* But I recognized this place immediately. Knowing what is to come... But I cannot think about that now. I must only think of how to help everyone get out of this.
Anne: You oughta talk to Willow and Tara. Three heads are better, I'm sure.
Shayne: *nods in agreement* do you know where they are? I need to find them.
Anne: Could be in the magick library. Could be at the bookstore. Not really sure.
Shayne: *nods* Thank you so much. I should probably go. The sooner we figure out how to fix it, the better
Anne: *nods*
Shayne: *smiles and gets on her way*

~Non-Journal Entry~

Thu, 01 Apr 2004 07:15:41 GMT

Xander: *yawns*
Anne: *hears him, begins to wake*
Xander: *rolls over and opens his eyes* Mommy? It's dark in here!
Anne: *jerks*
Anne: M....Xander?
Anne: *blinks into the darkness*
Xander: *looks around blindly* Who are you? Where am I?
Anne: *gropes for her shirt and jeans in the dark, pulling them on quickly*
Xander: And how'd you know to call me Xander? Only Willow calls me that...
Anne: Just... sit still for a second. Let me find the light switch.
Anne: *gropes for the wall, then feels her way toward the door and finds the switch*
Xander: Um...okay...
Anne: Okay, close your eyes, 'cause this is gonna be really bright on them and it'll hurt, okay?
Xander: Uh-huh. *closes his eyes*
Anne: *squints her own, flips the switch, and gasps*
Anne: Oh, my God... Xand...
Xander: Can I open my eyes now?
Anne: Um.... um.... *grabs his shirt and drops it over his head - it swallows him whole*
Anne: Yeah.... yeah, you can.
Anne: *crouches down next to him*
Xander: *opens his eyes* Oh! *blinks at the brightness* Hello. You're pretty. You must not be my babysitter, 'cause Mommy said she wasn't ever getting me a pretty babysitter after what Daddy said to the last one...
Anne: *blinks*
Anne: Um... I.... *softly* I'm Anne. You... don't remember?
Xander: *shakes his head emphatically* Uh-uh. I'd remember you for sure. *looks down* Why am I wearing one of Daddy's shirts?
Anne: Um... 'cause... it's... all that was here.
Anne: Um... *runs a hand through her hair*
Anne: This is... really hard to explain. 'Cause I... *softly* really don't know what the hell's going on.
Xander: Where's here? *looks around the room* Those look like com-...compu...machines out of a movie or something.
Anne: They're computers. Um... It's... this is where I live. You're safe here.
Anne: Not, like, here in this room though. I, um... I live upstairs.
Xander: *looks at her, eyes open wide* Can I live here too?
Anne: *smiles* Sure thing.
Xander: *smiles* Good. You're pretty, and you're nice too. *his stomach growls* I'm hungry.
Anne: *holds her hand out to him* Let's go get you something to eat, then.
Xander: *makes a puppy-dog face* Twinkies?
Anne: As long as that's not the only thing.
Xander: *pouts*
Anne: We'll get you something good. Maybe some chicken or something.
Xander: *makes a face* Not Chicken a la King!
Anne: No. *laughs* I think there's some left over fried chicken in the dfridge.
Anne: fridge*
Xander: Extra crispy?
Anne: Probably.
Xander: *smiles* That's okay, then.
Anne: *smiles* C'mon, then.
Xander: *holds up his hand, waiting for her to take it*
Anne: *takes his hand*
Anne: *leads him out the door and down the hall*

Wow.

Mon, 29 Mar 2004 01:25:40 GMT

//Firewalled to absolutely everyone//

I went to Xander's last night because I had a nightmare. Not a voodoo nightmare this time - just an ordinary, garden-variety I-had-a-bad-dream. I fell asleep in his arms. It was... God... it's the first time I've slept in the arms of a living man since Giles died. I was... I was so scared... that I'd flash back to... to... those vampires... but I didn't. Maybe it's because he was so gentle with me...

But whatever the case... I was having really yummy dreams when I woke up this morning...

Xander: *yawns and stretches...then opens his eyes wide as he realizes he's not alone*
Anne: *arms tighten around him, unconsciously molding her body to his*
Xander: *looks down at Anne...and discreetly checks under the sheets, then sighs in relief -- they're both in pj's.*
Anne: *nuzzles at his neck*
Xander: *can't help making a little noise -- she's found a very sensitive spot* mmMmm....
Anne: *sighs contentedly, shifting against him, still mostly asleep, nuzzling some more*
Xander: *tries to shift a little, as his body has a natural reaction to all that nuzzling*
Anne: *whimpers in protest, trying to hold him close*
Xander: *chuckles slightly and kisses the top of her head lightly*
Anne: *her hands begin to slowly slide down his body*
Xander: *swallows dryly*
Anne: *nuzzling his neck again, slowly waking up*
Xander: *groans again...caught between needing to shift again and not wanting to move a muscle*
Anne: mmm.
Anne: *her eyes flutter*
Xander: *bites his lip* Um...morning.
Anne: hmm? *eyes open all the way, still sleep-fuzzy, and she smiles sensuously* Hi...
Xander: Hi. Uh... *smiles nervously* Sleep okay?
Anne: mhm. *nuzzles him again, eyes closing again*
Xander: That's... ah... that's good...
Anne: mmm?
Xander: *smiles down at her* You really awake, or are you just gonna go "mmm" all morning?
Anne: *her lips brush his skin as she speaks* 'mwake.
Xander: Ah.... *not sure whether he wants to ask her to stop doing that or not...*
Anne: hmm?
Xander: Ummm... *kisses her forehead, figuring that's a nice, neutral gesture either way*
Anne: *raises her face to him for a proper kiss*
Xander: *hesitates only a moment before giving her a proper kiss*
Anne: *gives a small moan into his mouth*
Xander: *answers with a noise of his own, then pulls back a little* That's a nice way to start the morning... *glances at the clock* uhhh, afternoon.
Anne: Mhm. *closes her eyes again, snuggling against him*
Anne: *one eye opens, rolls downward* Well. Someone's awake.
Xander: *blushes fiercely* Ah...well...you see...
Anne: No, I don't. But I *feel* quite well. *grins, moves against him slowly*
Xander: *eyes open *very* wide* Ahhhhhh. Um...Anne?
Anne: *blinks, freezes, starts to pull away* I'm sorry... I...
Xander: *bites his lip, realizing he goofed again* Don't be sorry... That... was very nice. I just... uh... *frowns* I suddenly feel seventeen again, all of a sudden.
Anne: *blushes very hard* But you said you didn't want to... I'm sorry. I... I should... *starts to move toward the edge of the bed*
Xander: *holds onto her, gently* I distinctly remember telling you I *really* wanted to. I just... I know how the post-Slayage thing goes. You know, the uh... what did Faith say? Hungry and horny? *blushes again*
Anne: *nods silently, studying his face*
Xander: That was how the thing with Faith happened. I rescued her from a demon, she jumps me, she tosses me away afterward. *hastily* Not that I thought you'd do the same thing, but... I didn't want any morning-after regrets, you know?
Anne: *nods* I... *softly* I wouldn't do that, Xand...
Xander: I know you wouldn't. *chuckles* Funny thing is...this is about as slow as I've ever taken it with any girl. And it's not because I want you any less... Probably the opposite, in fact.
Anne: Oh... *is at a loss for words*
Xander: *chews on his lip a moment* It's like... when you're a kid -- or, for me, pretty much any age at all -- and you get some ice cream or candy or something... you gobble it all down, and then you're left with empty hands and an aching tummy.
Anne: *nods*
Xander: Right now... there's something I want more than chocolate, or ice cream, or anything I can imagine... And I don't know whether I should savor it bit by bit... or feast like there's no tomorrow.
Anne: *swallows hard*
Xander: *looks into her eyes, waiting for an answer*
Anne: *reaches up with one shaking hand to touch his cheek*
Xander: *leans into her hand*
Anne: I... I want this, Xand, but I... I'm so scared I'm gonna screw it up and... and lose you again...
Xander: *bites his lip* That... that wasn't me. I've lived through eight years of this...and I'm still here.
Anne: *whispers* I don't want to drive you away.
Xander: *looks into her eyes* You have my word. Whatever happens, with ... um... this ... I will always be there for you.
Anne: *searches his eyes for a long moment, then leans forward, tentatively pressing her lips to his*
Xander: *kisses her back, gently at first, then pulling her close and brushing his tongue lightly against her lips*
Anne: *opens to him, whimpering quietly*
Xander: *lets his hands roam across her back as he tickles her tongue with his own*
Anne: *her hands come up to wind in his hair*
Xander: *begins kissing his way across her cheek and jaw, down towards her neck*
Anne: *her head falls back, granting him access, small sounds of pleasure escaping her mouth*
Xander: *takes a second or two to savor the irony, then starts kissing and nibbling her neck*
Anne: *shivers, her fingers flexing in his hair*
Xander: *remembers Anne's own version of "good biting," and figures she does what she likes...so he bites down gently on her neck, then licks the spot gently to soothe it*
Anne: *gasps, shivers* y-you can... bite harder... if you want...
Xander: *bites just a teeny bit harder, and gives the column of her throat a long, gentle lick*
Xander: *murmurs* Tell me...what you want...
Anne: *swallows hard* Want you...
Xander: *stares for a long moment at her* You've got me... *moves back up for another kiss*
Anne: *wraps her arms around him*

Today was... wonderful. Fabulous. Intense. Scary. Exciting. Amazing. Xander is wonderful, fabulous, intense, scary, etc etc etc. And he's good.

Oh, man... is he ever good.

*shakes head*

Buffy Anne Summers Number Two With Fangs, you can NOT afford to let yourself fall in...

oh, fuck it.

Who am I kidding?

//end firewall//

~Non-journal entry~

Sun, 28 Mar 2004 08:49:26 GMT

She sits straight up in bed, chest heaving for breath she doesn't need, a scream dying unuttered on her lips. Her eyes stare unfocused into the dark for a long moment before she realizes where she is and that she is safe. She falls back onto her pillows with a heavy sigh. There will be no more sleep tonight. Then she pauses to think. Unless...

Anne: *pushes the door open, peers into the darkness of his bedroom, whispers* Xand?
Xander: *blinks at the light, half-awake* Huh? Wha? Who's there?
Anne: It's me.
Anne: I... I should go... I'm sorry... I didn’t mean to wake you...
Xander: Mm? Oh...no, don't go. Just...shut the door, please? The light's pretty bright....
Anne: *slips in, shuts the door*
Xander: What's wrong?
Anne: I just... um... I... *sighs, half-laughing*
Anne: God, I feel so stupid. I...
Anne: *swallows* I had a bad dream.
Xander: Hey... I've had some bad ones in my day too, y'know? I've felt stupid about a lot of things, but not that.
Xander: *beckons with one hand* C'mere.
Anne: *goes to him, sliding on to the bed with him*
Xander: *gently puts his arms around her and gives her a hug*
Anne: *snuggles into his arms*
Xander: Wanna talk about it? Or do you wanna just forget it ever happened?
Anne: I wanna rewind the last three weeks and get a do-over.
Xander: *sigh* I'd take anything from a few days to five or six months...
Anne: *nods* Me, too.
Anne: *takes a deep breath* Hmm. You smell good.
Xander: Huh. That's...a new one on me. I don't even know what I smell like.
Anne: *shrugs slightly* You smell like Xander.
Xander: *chuckles* That's probably a combination of pepperoni pizza, Twinkies, and cheesy chips.
Anne: *breathes deeply* And something else. I dunno. It's just... Xander.
Xander: *smiles wryly* Okay, now that we've established I smell like me... now what?
Anne: *softly* can I stay here tonight?
Xander: Umm... sure. I mean, it's not like the first time you've stayed here.
Anne: No, I mean... here. *indicates the bed*
Xander: Oh.
Anne: With you.
Xander: *eyes widen*
Xander: OH! Umm...
Anne: I just... don't want to sleep alone.
Xander: Ah... *calms down* Yeah. Sure. *scoots over to make room*
Anne: *smiles, slips under the covers, snuggles up against him*
Xander: *puts one arm around her, and enjoys it waaay too much* That better?
Anne: *softly* Yeah. Thanks.
Xander: Good. We sleep now?
Anne: Yeah.
Anne: *closes her eyes, listening to his heartbeat*
Xander: Good. *closes his eyes, and gives her a little squeeze, before drifting off to dreamland*

Early morning confessionals

Wed, 24 Mar 2004 13:04:56 GMT

Anne: *comes into the gym hesitantly, seeming to cling to the walls, her eyes darting around, searching the shadows*
Faith: *hears the movement and almost immediately senses vampire, she freezes mid-punch, her breathing heavy.*
Anne: *sees Faith near the punching bags and starts to retreat back toward the elevator*
Faith: *spots Anne and relaxes* Anne? Okay, quit wiggin'. I ain't gonna hurt you.
Anne: *freezes, nearly to the elevators, her eyes darting around madly*
Faith: *takes a few steps towards Anne* Yo, will you chill already?
Anne: I... I wasn't expecting anybody to be down here...
Faith: *starts to untape her hands, grabbing her towell off the bench* Most people around here aren't up at the asscrack of dawn.
Anne: Yeah... I'm just gonna... *begins to back toward the elevator again*
Faith: Hey, you don't have to run off. I said I wan't going to hurt you... *frowns a little* You look wicked stressed.
Anne: I... I just...
Faith: Are you... okay?
Anne: *bites lip, shakes head*
Faith: *thinks for a second, then takes another tentative step towards her* Rough gig, huh? Bein' accepted again after goin' evil...
Anne: *gives a harsh laugh* Or something.
Faith: After all the shit you've been through... Sorry, but B's bein' a bitch about this.
Anne: *drops onto a nearby bench, huddling into herself* That's the least of my worries, Faith. In fact, it is so far down the list as to not even register on my worry radar.
Faith: *sits down next to her* Sorry, I'm so out of it... Need someone to talk to?
Anne: *sighs heavily* Everybody wants to talk about it. 'You need to talk about it, Anne. You need to get it out, Anne.' God. No. No, I don't fucking want to talk about it.
Faith: *puts her hands up defensively* Woah woah, I'm the last person to be a cryin' shoulder, it was just a question... *smiles a little bit, starting to understand* Wanna hit something?
Anne: *thinks about that for a second*
Anne: Hit something?
Anne: I wanna rip something into little tiny pieces.
Anne: But hitting'll do... to start.
Faith: I've still got a little in me... Unless you want to be alone, which I understand completely.
Anne: *looks up at her* You sure?
Faith: *nods* Hey, you've been here for me. Gotta return the favor somehow, don't I?
Anne: I just... stop me if I get... outta control?
Faith: Bring it on, baby. *smiles* But you have my word.
Anne: *stands up, going to the ring and doing a basic stretch-out*
Faith: *re-tapes her hands and stetches a little before stepping in*
Anne: *faces off with her*
Faith: Show me what you've got. *grins*
Anne: *comes at her in a flurry of fists*
Faith: *dodges most, taking one to the ribs* Okay... You're obviously upset... *bounces back a couple of steps, then throws a couple of side kicks at her*
Anne: *blocks one, takes the other to recently-damaged ribs*
Anne: *goes down gasping*
Faith: *steps back* You... Shit, I'm sorry.
Anne: *climbs to her feet, her face gone even more pale than usual*
Anne: Nothing wrong with me. I can take it. Little pain. Nothin. C'mon.
Anne: *squares off*
Faith: Anne... *puts her guard up* You look like shit. Just thought you should know.
Anne: Fuck you, Faith. *comes at her again, a little wild, fists flying*
Faith: *dodges* Not until you calm the fuck down. Don't want another set of fangs in my neck. *blocks, throwing her into the ropes*
Anne: *comes back again, viciously, taking her down at the knees and rolling with her, punching her twice in the face*
Faith: *flinches, taking the hits, then grabbing her wrists to hold her* Anne, I can take whatever it is you're wantin' to throw at me... But this ain't right, and you know it.
Anne: *tries to pull away*
Faith: *holds her, testing her anger*
Anne: *tries again, her face beginning to crumple*
Anne: lemme go...
Faith: *lets her go gently, but doesn't try to get up*
Anne: *falls to her knees, gasping, trying not to cry*
Faith: *gets up, walking over and touching her shoulder* C'mon. Let's get you outta here?
Anne: Anne: *flinches away from her touch, falling backwards, her arms wrapping around herself*
Faith: *shakes her head and steps out of the ring* You can't hide from this forever. Not sayin' you need to talk but... Ah hell, I suck at the peptalks. *takes a deep breath* I care. Let me in sometime, I'll show ya.
Anne: C-c-c-cant...
Faith: *looks back at the ring* What are you so scared of?
Anne: h-h-hurts...
Faith: *kneels down and looks at her* What hurts?
Anne: eh-everything... *shaking hard*
Faith: *stands up and steps back into the ring* Okay... I get that... Just... let me take you somewhere? Anywhere? Get away? Scream?
Anne: *looks up at her, staring for a long moment, then finally nods* Okay...
Faith: *helps her up* Okay...
Anne: *goes with her*

After that, she took me out to a place that she knew. I didn't want to go outside, but she said there wouldn't really be any people there. It was way out of the city, out in what the locals call the bayou. A little, dark, dead, beautiful place that looked exactly how I felt inside. And I sat there on the ground and cried. And then she talked to me. I didn't have to say anything - she talked to me about some of the things she's gone through. And when she was done I knew that I'm more like Faith than I thought... way more than the other me would ever want to admit.

And when we came back to the warehouse, I was able to be around people for about half the day before I couldn't take it and had to go chill out in my room.

Maybe I can be useful now.

therapeutic?

Sat, 20 Mar 2004 16:19:35 GMT

Xander came by last night. I don't get it. what keeps him coming around?

Xander: *knocks on Anne's door*
Anne: *faintly, from the bedroom* C'mon in.
Xander: *comes in through the door and peers into the bedroom* Did somebody order room service?
Anne: *turns slightly away from the window* No, but I guess if you're here...
Xander: *holds up two bags, one holding blood and one holding some dried leaves* I also brought this herbal stuff that's supposed to act like vampire aspirin.
Anne: Oh. Hey, something actually useful.
Xander: *nods* Yeah. *slight grimace* Spike always used to steal it from the Magic Box, back in the day. Drove Anya nuts.
Anne: Spike, huh?
Xander: *shakes head* Don't even get me started. Let me go put this in the microwave for a sec.
Anne: *nods*
Anne: *turns back to the window, hugging her arms to her chest*
Xander: *steps out of the room, pours the blood into a mug and stirs some of the herb into it, and puts it in the microwave for 30 seconds*
Anne: *leans her forehead against the glass, closes her eyes*
Xander: *microwave beeps, and Xander takes the mug out and comes back into the bedroom* Here you go.
Anne: *softly* Thanks.
Anne: *doesn't move*
Xander: *slowly sets the mug down on the night table, and steps away, giving Anne plenty of space*
Anne: *after a long moment, turns and takes the mug, refusing to make eye contact with him*
Xander: *chews on his lip for a moment* Anne...look, I know this is gonna come out wrong no matter how I try to say it, but...
Anne: *waits*
Xander: *takes a deep breath* I know you don't want to talk about...what happened, and that's fine. I just wanted to say...if and when you *do* want to talk about it...there are some people here who would...understand. Or at least try to. Including me.
Anne: *softly, bitterly* Because I'm sure you'd know so much about it.
Xander: *just as softly* It's not the first time I've seen that look in a girl's eyes. Maybe that doesn't make me an expert, but...I've seen it before. I've helped someone try to deal.
Anne: I don't want to deal. I just want to forget, and move on.
Xander: *nods* Okay. I'm not trying to push. Just...*sighs* if you change your mind, remember what I said? Please?
Anne: *turns away from him silently, but after a long moment nods her head once, grudgingly*
Xander: Now then...as far as the forgetting, goes, I have some distractions here, if you're interested. *holds up a few DVDs, including Young Frankenstein and Victor/Victoria* Gotta be more fun than looking at the French Quarter during Lent.
Anne: *tries to smile* Thanks, Xand.
Anne: *softly* How's Buffy?
Xander: *frowns* She's...not there. She'll follow orders, and if you ask her questions she'll sometimes answer, but...it's like talking to a zombie. Even the 'bot had more personality.
Anne: *nods, pauses* How's Giles?
Xander: He's getting better, but he's been wearing himself out taking care of Buffy and trying to figure out how to help her -- I've been helping out with the 'taking care of Buffy' part so he can eat and sleep every now and then.
Anne: *looks out the window for a long moment*
Anne: What do you need me to do?
Xander: Let yourself heal up, first of all. You could still use another day or two of rest.
Anne: I'll be fine.
Xander: Yes, you *will be* fine. As in, you aren't fine right now. *crosses his arms* You know, even if you didn't look like the Buffy I know, I'd recognize that "I'll be fine" anywhere. *mutters theatrically* God save me from stubborn Slayers...
Anne: *glares at him sidelong*
Xander: *smirks* That glare looks awfully familiar too. If I hadn't been getting it for almost eight years now, it might actually be scary.
Anne: If all you're gonna do is give me shit, you can go somewhere else. *leans against the window glass again*
Xander: *sighs* All right. No more shit-giving.
Anne: Thank you.
Xander: Now, would you like me to put one of these classics *waves the DVDs briefly* on the TV, and would you like me to stay or leave you alone?
Anne: Not really, and not to be rude but I honestly think I'd rather be alone.
Xander: *nods* Okay. *puts the movies on the bed* I'll leave these here, in case you change your mind. And I'll be back in the morning with more blood and green herb-y stuff.
Anne: *softly* Thank you.
Xander: *starts to turn to go, then stops* Look...*softly* I know I'm being a pest. But this is another thing I know very well from dealing with Buffy for eight years. She always pushes us away and tells us to leave her alone at times like this too. And I always pester her into letting me help her -- if I'm not being a dumbass at the time, anyway.
Anne: And?
Xander: And...*shrugs* in the end, even if it takes weeks for her to admit it, Buffy usually thanks me for not leaving her alone.
Anne: And?
Xander: *softly* I'll give you your space when you need it, Anne...but I'm not going to let you push me away, either. You're not alone here.
Anne: *closes her eyes, shoulders hunching, trying not to let him see that she's crying*
Xander: *chews on his lip, recognizing the signs of Buffy crying...but not wanting to push any further without Anne's consent*
Anne: *legs give out suddenly, she slides down the window and curls up on the floor, crying*
Xander: *slowly comes up behind Anne, and kneels next to her, hands reaching out and stopping just short of touching her*
Xander: *murmurs* Anne... *slowly puts his hands on her shoulders*
Anne: *turns toward him, blindly falling into his arms*
Xander: *holds her quietly, hugging her gently, occasionally stroking her hair*

Nightmares on Rampart Street

Fri, 19 Mar 2004 20:02:27 GMT

//firewalled to everyone//

But of the ordinary variety this time, I think... the non-voodoo type.

I dreamed of that girl... the one I used to be.

I was... eighteen, I guess. It was the summer after I would have graduated high school. And I was in New York City.

God... I'll never forget. And I'll never go back there, either. The stench of that city... I've never been in a city that stunk so bad in the summertime. And I could smell it perfectly in my dream. Nightmare. Whatever.

I could hear them coming. Just like it happened. Just like it happens every time I dream about it which, thankfully, isn't so much any more. Only natural that I should dream about it now, though, I guess.

And they caught me down that blind alley. And oh, God, the pain... I didn't think it was possible to hurt so much. Dying didn't even hurt that much.

That was the night I stopped being a child.

And the next morning I didn't want to live with myself, with the memories of what had happened. So I gathered myself together and I walked out of that alley into the sunshine.

And nothing happened.

Imagine my disappointment.

And I stand here at the open window, feeling my broken ribs mending beneath my hand, feeling the bruising of my face fade and the swelling die away, and the sunlight shines in on me and once again I have memories that I don't want to live with.

But what choice do I have?

//end firewall//

That bastard...

Thu, 18 Mar 2004 04:31:36 GMT

okay, that was... much less than pleasant.

Lesson one, kids... even a vampire/slayer can be overpowered if you throw enough guys at her.

Anne: *rings Rhiannon's cell*
Rhiannon: *stumbling out of bed and reaching for the phone* Hello?
Anne: *coughs* Rhia?
Anne: *obviously in pain* Rhi... it's Anne.
Rhiannon: *waking up quickly* Oh my god, are you okay? You sound awful.
Anne: *coughs again* No. Don't worry about it.
Rhiannon: *pausing and pacing* You sure?
Anne: This demon... *wheezes* Orion. He's... big. Big time.
Anne: Owns... almost every good-sized gambling debt in town, and... and... a lot of the... smaller ones, too.
Rhiannon: *Worried* You didn't run into him, did you?
Anne: *coughs, sound of spitting* No. Fuck, I needed that tooth.
Rhiannon: God, I shouldn't have asked you to go there like that.
Anne: He's heavy... *takes a deep breath* Heavy into magicks. And he's not... from this dimension.
Anne: Don't sweat it, kid. This... this didn't have... anything to do with that.
Rhiannon: *sits down on the bed* Okay...
Anne: *winces audibly*
Anne: He's not... from this dimension. Don says... his markings... might be a spell to send him home... but... nobody here... can read them.
Rhiannon: *groans* Great. Just fabulous. And now he's gonna be on our doorstep when we're weak.
Anne: Any... improvement out of... Buffy?
Rhiannon: If anything, I hear she's getting worse. But Giles has got his head together now, and he's helping her out.
Anne: *sighs* Good.
Rhiannon: And Kris... we've got her.
Anne: How?
Rhiannon: Faith and I went out tonight. She took on a demon. I took on Kris.
Anne: Shit.
Anne: Rhi, can you... do me... a favor?
Rhiannon: Anthing!
Anne: *sighs* I... I'm coming back... tonight...
Anne: But I'm... kind of in a bad way. And I don't... really want... anybody to... see me.
Anne: Would you go down to my room and open my window so I can get in?
Rhiannon: *nodding, then remembering she's on the phone*
Rhiannon: Of course I will.
Anne: *sighs* Thanks.
Anne: *hisses in pain* Ow. Ow...
Anne: Okay, I'm... *takes a deep breath* I'm... on my way back.
Rhiannon: Okay, please let me know if I can help.
Anne: *gives a bitter half-laugh* Thanks, but... there's nothing you can do.

Back in black...

Wed, 17 Mar 2004 01:44:29 GMT

Rhiannon: *Rhi entered the warehouse after cruising through a demon hangout and coming up empty for information. Spotting Anne working out in the gymnasium, she made her way over quietly.* Anne?
Anne: *turns away from the punching bag* Rhiannon. What's up?
Rhiannon: *hands in pockets, she walks closer, noting the bedraggled condition of the dummy* Is this a good time to ask a question about a demon?
Anne: *shrugs* As good a time as any, I guess. Walk over to the snack bar with me? I could use a drink.
Rhiannon: *nodding her agreement* Yeah sure
Anne: *walks toward the snack bar* Which demon?
Rhiannon: *confusion crossing her face* Wait... we have blood at the snack bar?
Anne: *snickers* Water, Rhiannon. Water.
Rhiannon: Oh... right, sorry. So yeah, demon. Buffy told me once that you knew about a demon mafia in this area. Is that true?
Anne: *nods* Yeah. Down in Chalmette.
Rhiannon: *nodding slowly and leaning back against the bar* Do you think they might know something about the demon that took Kris? Orion?
Anne: *fishes two bottles of water out of the cooler and offers one to Rhiannon, a thoughtful expression on her face*
Rhiannon: *takes the bottle and smiles a bit*
Anne: They might. *cracks her own bottle open and takes a long drink* Wouldn't hurt to ask.
Anne: I could ride out there, if you wanted me to.
Rhiannon: That'd be awesome. I'm at wit's end with this search. *her eyebrows draw together* I've patrolled, checked for witnesses, beat up some demons for information... Nick and Tara hit the books. I even got my ex to check out the local scene for loansharks. No one knows anything about this guy, or his flunkies.
Anne: You said he goes by Orion?
Rhiannon: *nodding again* Yeah... Has a band of yellow-skinned demons. You know... red talons, forked tongues. But who knows if that's their true form. They can shapeshift.
Anne: Shapeshifters, red talons, forked tongues, Orion. Anything else?
Rhiannon: Yeah... Whoever he is, he's got major power over Kris. Made her eyes go all black.
Anne: *nods* Sounds magickal.
Rhiannon: Right... And from the looks of it, he's using Kris to collect his debts.
Anne: a loan shark? *her eyebrows raise*
Rhiannon: Right. I heard that her dad was into some serious debts, and they came before and jumped her as a warning. But then they came back for her.
Anne: *frowns*
Rhiannon: I think I'm reaching the limits of what I can do, you know?
Anne: *nods* I totally understand. I'll head out there, see what I can find out. I... may not make it back tonight. But I'll call.
Rhiannon: *pushing away from the counter and looking at her* Thanks, Anne. I really mean it.
Anne: *small smile* No problem.

~*Non-journal Entry*~

Anne climbed onto the back of the big Harley with a sudden feeling of nostalgia - she hadn't ridden the steel horse since before the cult took her soul. It felt good to be back on the machine again, and brought her sudden and unexpected memories of the years she'd spent riding after leaving Sunnydale in her own world. She could almost hear Giles's voice in her mind, asking her to be careful, to keep in touch, to let him keep on knowing that she was still "alive".

She shook off the maudlin moment - she had work to do, and Kris wouldn't thank her for wasting time getting sentimental. She turned the key and jumped on the starter with every ounce of weight in her small body... twice. With a roar, the machine started up, and Anne tore out of the parking lot, heading for Chalmette, hoping for answers.

GAH!

Sun, 14 Mar 2004 16:21:39 GMT

Okay, I may never sleep again.

I was just thinking that I must be immune to the whole dream thing, being a vampire and all...

And then last night...

God...

First the smell of blood... then the blood on the gym floor... and dripping down the walls... running in rivers down the stairs... and then the bodies... everyone dead... everyone... except McKenna.

And she was a vampire.

And she was coming at me down the corridor and calling me Mother.

*shudders*

No, I don't think I'll be sleeping again any time soon.

Morning visits

Tue, 09 Mar 2004 17:09:06 GMT

Xander: *knocks quietly on Anne's door*
Anne: *comes to the door a few minutes later, bed hair, in sweats and a tee shirt, yawns* Morning. C'mon in.
Xander: *opens door* Oh, hey. Wasn't sure if you were up and around yet. *holds up a blood packet* There was still one more of these in cold storage, so I brought it up.
Anne: *takes the packet* You're a god. *pops it in the microwave*
Xander: *chuckles* Nope, just a Xander. Speaking of which, you *are* just seeing one of me, right?
Anne: *grins* Just one Xander. *yawns* So what brings you up here? Besides feeding the hungry?
Xander: Well, just checking on you, really. Haven't seen too many things that'll make a vampire or a Slayer see two Xanders...*shrugs* Except when there *are* two Xanders, of course.
Anne: *grins* Hopefully that doesn't happen too often. I don't know if the world is big enough.
Xander: *mock glare* Hey, if it can take two Buffys, two Xanders are easy. Although, as I recall, meeting myself wasn't exactly the funnest thing in the world.
Anne: *shakes head* No... meeting yourself is a little creepy.
Xander: *nods* Right. *brightens* Although, hey, if they could get another me here now, we could ourselves together and get depth perception! *ponders* You think they make 3D glasses for two?
Anne: *blinks* Okay, either I'm still asleep or you're being unusually Dada today.
Xander: *looks at her oddly a moment, then nods* Oh, right. You never saw me in pirate mode. *taps his glass eye gently* Souvenir of Sunnydale's last Big Bad. Man, I wish I could've seen Buffy turn him into Filet o' Preacher.
Anne: *approaches him carefully, looking at the eye* It... it's not... real?
Xander: Well, it's real, in that you can, like, touch it...but no, I can't see out of it. *shrugs* Took a little getting used to...hammered my thumb a couple times before I learned to adjust...
Xander: But honestly, in the long run, not a big deal.
Anne: *touches his cheek gently* I'm sorry.
Xander: Ehhh... *half-smiles* Just means the Army can't ever get the benefit of all that training Ethan mojo'd into my head.
Anne: *swallows hard*
Anne: *turns quickly when the microwave beeps*
Xander: *walks up behind her and murmurs in her ear* Do I have to resort to tickling to get a smile on your face? Cause you *know* I could take you now.
Anne: *jerks away* You'd better not. You might break my arm again. I'll tell Hudson on you. *slight smile*
Xander: *groans* Oh, please! Anything but that! *cringes away in mock fear*
Anne: *giggles*
Xander: *grins and points at her* That's the smile I remember!
Anne: *smiles softly at him* You can always make me smile.
Xander: I hope so. I think you need to do it more often.
Anne: *looks down, pouring the blood into a travel mug and capping it* Sometimes it's hard.
Xander: *nods* I know. But if there's one thing I've learned about the Scooby life, it's that you've gotta find the happies wherever and whenever you can. *shakes his finger in mock-lecture* So I'm gonna stick to you like glue until I see you smiling on a regular basis, missy!
Anne: Oh, the agony! *pretends to swoon*
Xander: *swoops forward to catch her* Hey, watch it! *grins* I told you, seeing two of me is not a good thing!
Anne: *laughs*
Xander: *grins down at her* Hey...did I ever tell you the one about the Swim Team?
Anne: *raises an eyebrow* Were you on the Swim Team?
Xander: *shrugs* Only for a little while, while I was playing Mr. Undercover. Although, as Buffy said, a Speedo, isn't much cover to be under.
Anne: *raises her eyebrows, steps back from him, letting her eyes travel down his body and back up again slowly* Speedo?
Xander: *blushes* Ummm....yeah. *chuckles* I was trying to be all secretive and everything, and Cordelia, Willow, *and* Buffy all happened to show up to my first day of practice.
Anne: Oh, I bet THAT was entertaining.
Xander: *rolls eyes* I think it was the only time Cordelia was actually *proud* to be dating me.
Anne: *stares at him* You DATED CORDELIA?
Xander: *eyes widen* Oh...ah...didn't I mention that? Funny thing, really...
Anne: *sits down on the sofa, crossing her legs, sipping the blood, waiting for the story*
Xander: *snorts* It actually began in Buffy's basement. The two of us were hiding from this creepy bug-man, and we were yelling at each other, and suddenly it was makeout time.
Anne: *eyes widen
Anne: *
Xander: *shrugs* She insisted on keeping it secret for a while...then she broke up with me on Valentine's Day, which led to the whole love spell fiasco...then I messed things up by suddenly noticing Willow was a girl. *grimaces*
Anne: Late date for that.
Xander: *nods* Yeah. But you know, I wish you could've seen the kind of girl Cor became. For a while, she was actually a real Scooby. *chuckles* You'd have to ask Buffy about the whole story, but supposedly she pulled this huge bluff on a vampire at Homecoming...made him think she was a super-Slayer and sent him running with his tail between his legs.
Anne: *blinks* Cordelia CHASE?
Xander: *nods* Uh-huh. She may have been Queen Bitch of Sunnydale High, but she occasionally used her powers for good.
Anne: Well, color me impressed.
Anne: What's she up to these days? Ruling Hollywood?
Xander: *sighs* No...
Xander: She's...she's gone.
Anne: *blinks* Gone? Gone where?
Xander: *takes a deep breath* She died...about the same time Fiona did, I hear.
Anne: Oh, no. *reaches out a hand to him* Xand... I'm sorry.
Xander: *small smile* I hadn't been in touch with her for a long time...I think the last time I saw her was at Buffy's funeral.
Anne: Still. It hurts to lose people.
Anne: *softly* Take it from me.
Xander: *nods* Yeah. Believe me, I get it. Why do you think I got involved in all this in the first place?
Anne: *nods*
Xander: Which is why I think you and I should take a walk, and remind ourselves of everyone who's still here. Okay?
Anne: *startled* A walk? Where?
Xander: *points at the door* Out there? Outside world, remember? *smirks* You could spot me in the gym, if you like, 'cause I'm sure you can pick up what I bench-press with your one good arm.
Anne: *glances at the door* I'm... not gonna get staked, am I?
Xander: Hey. *comes up close to her* First of all, I think just about everyone knows you got hurt trying to find Giles. Second... *takes her chin so he can look her in the eye* ...if anyone tries to stake you, they've got to go through me first.
Anne: *swallows hard, then finally nods* Okay. I'm not scared to be a vampire in a warehouse full of Slayers. Sure. No problem. *gives him a shaky grin*
Xander: *grins* Hey. You're a *Slayer* in a warehouse full of Slayers. it'
Xander: *It's all in the 'tude.
Anne: *nods* Let's just hope they see it that way. *sets down the empty mug with a thump* Lead on, MacHarris.
Xander: *gets up, and opens the door with a flourish* This way, milady.
Anne: *grins, follows him out*

Late last night

Sun, 29 Feb 2004 02:07:33 GMT

//firewalled to everyone//
Buffy came to my door late last night, to tell me that Dr. Mycroft was dead.

A knock sounds on the door and Anne rolls immediately out of bed, grabbing a shirt and pulling it on as she moves to the door. At this hour, someone's either badly hurt or dead. She pulls the door open and is confronted by her almost-doppelganger. "This isn't a social call," Buffy says, looking tired, overwrought and stricken with grief. "Dr. Mycroft is dead. Deanna killed him. I know you were seeing him so I felt like you deserveed to know."

Anne feels suddely light-headed and she grips at the door in shock. "What? When? How?"

Buffy's voice is harsh. "A couple of hours ago on the street. She ran him through with a metal bar. Then she tried to kill Father Gabriel, who was with him."

"Oh, God..." Anne's knees threaten to buckle, but she won't collapse, not in front of the cold, steely eyes of the woman who she could have grown up to be, if she'd been given the chance. "I... is there anything I can do...?"

"No," Buffy says shortly. "I just... thought you ought to know." She turns and walks away.

I couldn't sleep after that. I told him to be careful! I told him he was a target! Why didn't he listen?

But I wouldn't be any use to anyone locked up in this room. So I decided to sneak down to the library. Xander was so sure I had my soul; maybe I could find a spell or something to prove it. Then I could be useful - protect people. Help people again. But I got more than I planned on, because the new Watcher - the priest, Father Ramsey - was in the library when I got there.

Anne: *slips quietly into the library, closing the door behind her with only the faintest of sounds*
Father Gabriel: *squinting to make out the words of the book on the table in front of him*
Father Gabriel: *breathing ragged*
Anne: *turns to enter the library, trips on something in the darkness near her feet and stumbles quite loudly*
Anne: Shit!
Father Gabriel: *looks back*
Father Gabriel: *eyes narrow, lips tight* The creature walks...
Anne: *spins around with a gasp to see Ramsey sitting there* Oh! I... I didn't know you were here...
Father Gabriel: *looks at her for a long moment* Would it matter if ye did?
Father Gabriel: *slides cross out of his pocket, hold it in his lap*
Anne: *backs up a step* I... *softly* I don't want to disturb you... I'll go...
Father Gabriel: *softly, but firmly* What were ya lookin' for?
Anne: *shrugs helplessly* Something to help.
Father Gabriel: More tricks n' subterfuge?
Anne: No!
Father Gabriel: Another mask to wear?
Anne: No! *shakes head vehemently*
Father Gabriel: They may see the face of a friend, or love when they look at you, I see a corpse
Anne: *looks down* Maybe that's all you should see.
Father Gabriel: You think you've a soul now?
Father Gabriel: God has redeemed you?
Anne: I don't know.
Father Gabriel: Given you his blessing?
Anne: No... I doubt I'm that lucky.
Father Gabriel: *angrily* How many orphans are there now, that you've fed on their mothers? Hmm?
Father Gabriel: Childless mothers, whose children you murdered?
Father Gabriel: *blood flecking his lips, livid, staggers to his feet*
Anne: *watches him come*
Father Gabriel: *raises cross* I'll see you back in hell, demon *tears in his eyes*
Father Gabriel: *moves forward, presses it to her forehead, with no result*
Father Gabriel: *eyes widen*
Anne: *drops to her knees*
Anne: Would you like to kill me, Father Ramsey?
Father Gabriel: You.. you
Anne: Would it make you feel better?
Anne: If you have a stake in your pocket, I'd thank you to go ahead and use it.
Father Gabriel: Don't you fucking patronize me creature!
Anne: Quite frankly, having a man of God take my miserable unlife at this point would be the most fitting retribution anyone could give me.
Father Gabriel: *staggers back to table, leans heavily against it*
Anne: After all... *softly* It's my fault he's dead.
Father Gabriel: *head whips around* Who?
Anne: Dr. Mycroft. *looks up at him from her kneeling position* That's what you're upset about. Buffy came a few minutes ago and told me. *pauses for a moment, remembering that less-than-pleasant confrontation* And it's my fault he's dead. I was trying to protect him... and I failed.
Father Gabriel: *face drains of what color he had left*
Anne: So if you've got a stake on you, I'd appreciate if you'd go ahead and use it.
Father Gabriel: *softly, as if making a realization* My friend...my brother, lies dead in a box...And God grants you, the weapon of his murder, his blessing and light...
Father Gabriel: *closes eyes tightly, shaking head*
Anne: The weapon? No... That was Deanna.
Anne: I'm not Deanna. Deanna is dead.
Anne: *softly, as if to herself* Deanna said he looked like her father.
Father Gabriel: And you aren't? You live?
Anne: What I mean to say, Father, is that Deanna is no longer in existence. That she is now so much dust on the wind.
Father Gabriel: *looks up, agony on his face* Why hast thou forsaken me?
Anne: *looks at him in confusion* Huh?
Father Gabriel: God takes from the living to grant life to the dead?
Father Gabriel: You have his blessing, his spirit, a soul bestowed upon you!
Anne: *shrugs* I don't know, Father. I can't explain it. I...
Anne: There was a man named Doyle, once, a half-Brakken demon, who hunted me down in a cafe in south Georgia and told me I was needed back home... and what he said to me was that if my job was over, if I'd fulfilled my purpose in life, then the vampire that had me - the Master - would've just killed me. But he didn't. So obviously there's something I still have to do.
Father Gabriel: *looks down angrily at the cross* Another good man, a human man lies dead, at the hands of your kind, and you stand here telling me of your higher purpose? That you, a murderer, are God’s chosen?
Father Gabriel: *hurls cross against the wall, where it shatters*
Anne: *softly* I was Chosen before I was a murderer. And I became a murderer because of the actions of someone else, not because of my own choice.
Anne: There are actions we take because we are responsible for them, and there are actions we take because they are forced upon us. The former we must take responsibility for on our own; the latter we need not. However, we must know the difference between the two, and we must take care not to allow ourselves to blame our own actions on others; to do so is dishonest.
Anne: *looks up at him* Dr. Mycroft told me that.
Father Gabriel: *hugging his ribs tightly, staring at the pieces of his cross, breathing roughly* He was always a better man than I...
Anne: *softly* He was, barring only one, the best man I have ever known.
Father Gabriel: *nods tightly* Then I suppose you have your answer
Anne: *looks up at him in confusion* I do?
Father Gabriel: Your soul. You came in here looking for proof, and you have it
Father Gabriel: *gestures to remnants of crucifix* That caused me more pain than it did you
Anne: *glances at the shards* I... I'm sorry.
Father Gabriel: *roughly* As you say, some things aren't yours to take the blame for
Anne: *sits back against the counter suddenly, hugging her knees against her chest* And yet... *her voice suddenly rough with tears* Some things are.
Father Gabriel: Are..*not looking at her* Are you asking me to hear your confession?
Anne: *looks up at him, surprised, and gives a sudden, harsh bark of laughter* Would God hear it? Would He care? What am I but a demon? The proof's in the spell - if I wasn't a Slayer, I'd just be a plain old vampire. Does that make me any more worthy of absolution?
Father Gabriel: The cross dinnae burn ye, you can walk in the sun. As fer absolution, it's not mine to give, that's between you and God. I may act as intermediary, but the power's not mine. If you've a soul, you're worthy of his forgiveness
Anne: *puts her head against her knees for a long moment*
Anne: *looks up at him finally, her face streaked with blood tears* All right, Father. Hear my confession. Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been six years, four months, and seventeen days since last I prayed.
Father Gabriel: *reels as if struck, but moves over to sit with her* What is it you would like to confess my *swallows* child?
Anne: I did my best, Father, for as long as I could, but when the cult did their spell and my soul was taken, I went mad. Consider my death toll, Father, since you asked the question. Seven men, fourteen women and twenty-two children of varying ages. One of those children, a girl of about six years, I made into a vampire.
Anne: She was responsible as well for the deaths of probably twelve children between the ages of four and ten, and those lives are on my head as well.
Father Gabriel: *nods dumbly, appalled*
Anne: In addition to those deaths, I visited emotional and physical pain and suffering upon various people who live in this warehouse. Giles, Buffy, Gibb, Kim, Sasha and McKenna, just to start the list.
Father Gabriel: And, and are you sorry, are you truly contrite for what you've done?
Anne: *pauses* I'm not done.
Father Gabriel: *exhales deeply, puts head in hands* Forgive me, do go on
Anne: I kidnapped McKenna, held her hostage for a day in order to cause even more emotional distress. While holding her, I was forced to kill the child I had created in order to prevent that child from taking McKenna's life.
Anne: *swallows hard*
Anne: I consorted with demons and dark witches, with practitioners of dark arts and with makers of mischief and evil. Lied, stole, cursed, swore and slept around.
Anne: And then...
Anne: *swallows again around a throat suddenly gone bone dry*
Father Gabriel: *softly* Go on
Anne: A few days ago, I found out Dr. Mycroft had been shot. I also found out that Deanna was the one who rescued him. She picked him up on the street, bleeding, and carried him to the paramedics. Everyone was talking about it. Nobody could figure out what her deal was. People were starting to wonder if she ought to be eliminated.
Anne: I went to see him in the hospital. I warned him - I told him to be careful. I told him he was a target because of her. And then I went to see her. I asked her why she saved him. Any other vampire would have just dragged him into the nearest alley and finished the job.
Father Gabriel: *nods, as pieces of Nigel’s tale fit into place*
Anne: She said... she said he reminded her of her father. He looked like him, laughed like him, talked like him... and that's why she saved him. So I... *pauses, wipes at her eyes* I warned her that people were talking. I told her people - the demons - were wondering what was up with her. But I told her I'd take care of it. She... she owed favors to demons... kind of like the mafia.
Anne: But I told her I'd take care of it.
Anne: *softly* But if I hadn't said anything... he'd still be alive.
Father Gabriel: *closes eyes tightly, swallows hard*
Anne: So there you have it, Father. General mayhem, emotional and physical distress, violations of various commandments, seven men, fourteen women, roughly thirty-four children... and Dr. Mycroft.
Anne: Am I sorry? Sorry... *takes a deep breath* Sorry doesn't even begin to cover it.
Father Gabriel: *nods again, and speaks tentatively, as if trying to convince himself as much as her* We... we can't always know Gods will. Or why he does the, the things he does
Father Gabriel: *struggles to his feet, clutching his ribs* Are you sorry then? Truly sorry for what you've wrought?
Anne: *softly* Yes.
Anne: God, yes.
Father Gabriel: *closes his eyes, nods again, one tear making it's way down his cheek* Then it's not my place to judge you
Father Gabriel: Te absolvo, in nominee patri, et filii, et spiritus sancti. Amen
Father Gabriel: *whispers* Go with God
Anne: *looks up at him in startlement, as though she hadn't expected him to actually go through with it, speaks softly* Th-thank you.
Father Gabriel: *nods slowly, grimacing*
Anne: *stands up slowly, not wanting to frighten him* Do... you need help getting back to your room? You look like you need to lay down.
Father Gabriel: *looks at her for a moment, eyes angry, then his expression softens and he speaks wearily* Aye lass, I could at that.
Anne: *holds out a hand to him*
Father Gabriel: *tries to smile, but only winces, taking her hand*

I helped him to his room and got him settled, then went back to mine, and laid down on my bed to think...

I have my soul. He seemed... pretty sure.

Now if he can convince Buffy and Giles...
//end firewall//

Laissez le bon temps roulez

Tue, 24 Feb 2004 22:43:31 GMT

It's the Big Day... Fat Tuesday.

Craziness... demons everywhere masquerading as humans. I hope nothing huge goes down tonight - nobody'd be ready.

Just got the word today that Fiona's dead. Xander's wife. She was really nice. I hated to hear that. Maybe I'll try to go talk to him later.

I went to the Order of Rex parade this morning just for the hell of it. It was kind of cool. All those people out there just having fun, having a good time, getting trashed and partying... reveling. Revelers... revelry... merriment... merry-making... happiness... smiles everywhere. Everywhere humans... smell of blood... at one point it was so strong and I had to get out of the crowd before I went completely blood-crazy and killed someone in public.

I ended up on the riverfront... under the docks... there was a man there who smelled of blood and murder and drugs... I relieved him of his gun and his life and several hundred dollars and several ounces of cocaine.

I've never done drugs before.

I wonder what they would do to me as a vampire.